I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
