Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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