i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
