Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
