Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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