If that was your dad, he is hot
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
