youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
