I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
