Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
