sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
