The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
