Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
