4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
