Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
