Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
