I want to walk on stilts...naked
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
