we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
