Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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