I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
