i can't believe i had my finger in that
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
