Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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