Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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