i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
