I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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