A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
