thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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