Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
kristin has been a bad kristin
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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