you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
