I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
