How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
