He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
