I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
do herpes really smell.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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