I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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