But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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