He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
