pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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