I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
