I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
