just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
