Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
