is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
