If that was your dad, he is hot
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
