I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
