so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
