My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Of course I have a pirate flag
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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