He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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