You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
People in love make me want to vomit
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
