If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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