and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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