jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
