Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize